As Far As I Can Go

No need wasting energy thinking about this place.  Only a few more weeks to go, and then I'm done with this Symphony.  I'm off to bigger & better things.  Off to new adventures.  It's so interesting how people take different paths.  Sometimes certain roads are blocked off, but then you just choose a new one.  That's where I am.  I've gone as far as I can go here.  Time to move on.  - Miranda, April 2005

Choosing my own diary entries is always challenging for me.  I would guess that not many people wake up and decide they want to re-read their own diaries from their 20s.  For me, those pages are filled with all kinds of feelings.  Insecurity about my body and my career.  Confidence about living on my own.  Reflection on my current situation and longing for something bigger and better.  This post was part of my 'swan song' collection of writing.  I was ready to move on from my orchestra job, but still had no idea what I was going to do.  All I knew is that I was leaving.  I had gone as far as I could go.

The other challenge in working with my own diary is more logistical.  I spent a great deal of time transcribing Frances' and Annette's diaries, but I could never bring myself to start on my own.  That means that every time I write from my own diaries, I have to pull out a stack of 14 diaries and dig through my innermost thoughts between 2004-2012.  It is emotionally exhausting, to say the least.

Well, I've gone as far as I can go with that method.  This summer, in between blog posts, I'll be digitizing all of my diary entries.  I'll have a box of tissues ready for the sad parts, and maybe a glass of wine or two to stave off the embarrassment.  Wish me luck!