Screw The Future

So here we are in this ridiculous republican world. How sad. He’s going to run this country into the ground. This administration is only concerned with the wealthy right now. No thoughts or plans for future generations. “We’ll do whatever we want - screw the future.”

My new money plan is to set aside $100 each month. I did last month and this month (actually $190 this month). I feel like I’m finally getting a handle on my finances now. It’s time for me to be on my own. - Miranda, November 2004

It is hard to believe that I have gone a month without posting. When I started this project, my goal was one post each week. I am very goal-oriented, and that seemed to keep me on track. Lately, I just haven’t had the heart to post. The school year is in full swing now, and I’ve had a lot on my plate. Well, truthfully, I may have been adding things to my plate so I didn’t have to log in and look at the date of my last post. There is so much going on in the world right now, and instead of yearning to write, I’ve been avoiding it. When I sat down to write, this post from 14 years ago just leapt off the page. All I can say is….

…..at least I’m consistent?! I am still frustrated with the politics of this country. I vote in every election. I call and write my elected officials. And I still feel hopeless sometimes. Change happens so slowly sometimes, and I do not have the best patience. So, what do I do when things are out of my control? I turn to financial planning!

For some people, budgets are stress-inducing monsters that suck all the joy out of life. For me, they are just the opposite. Give me a spreadsheet and a few accounts to manage and I’ll be perfectly content. I might not always be happy about the balances that I’m seeing, but just understanding the math makes me calm. Numbers aren’t personal. You just work with what you have. Making the most of those numbers is like a game. With enough strategy, you can make the numbers change. I can control my choices and see the results.

That isn’t the case with politics, or people in general. Sometimes, it all feels so very personal. I wish I could see other people’s points of view with the same understanding as the numbers in my spreadsheet. If only my choices yielded visible, immediate results, like paying down debt or watching compounding interest grow. It wouldn’t stop me from having strong opinions, but it might help me stay a bit more calm. Maybe I just need a reminder that when things feel hopeless, there is always something to do. It might not fix the problem, but it just might bring a little peace. Here’s hoping we all find our peace in overwhelming times.

As Far As I Can Go

No need wasting energy thinking about this place.  Only a few more weeks to go, and then I'm done with this Symphony.  I'm off to bigger & better things.  Off to new adventures.  It's so interesting how people take different paths.  Sometimes certain roads are blocked off, but then you just choose a new one.  That's where I am.  I've gone as far as I can go here.  Time to move on.  - Miranda, April 2005

 

Choosing my own diary entries is always challenging for me.  I would guess that not many people wake up and decide they want to re-read their own diaries from their 20s.  For me, those pages are filled with all kinds of feelings.  Insecurity about my body and my career.  Confidence about living on my own.  Reflection on my current situation and longing for something bigger and better.  This post was part of my 'swan song' collection of writing.  I was ready to move on from my orchestra job, but still had no idea what I was going to do.  All I knew is that I was leaving.  I had gone as far as I could go.

The other challenge in working with my own diary is more logistical.  I spent a great deal of time transcribing Frances' and Annette's diaries, but I could never bring myself to start on my own.  That means that every time I write from my own diaries, I have to pull out a stack of 14 diaries and dig through my innermost thoughts between 2004-2012.  It is emotionally exhausting, to say the least.

Well, I've gone as far as I can go with that method.  This summer, in between blog posts, I'll be digitizing all of my diary entries.  I'll have a box of tissues ready for the sad parts, and maybe a glass of wine or two to stave off the embarrassment.  Wish me luck!