I am so frustrated with this orchestra. No one cares that it sounds bad. It's so discouraging. But what's worse is that it could be so good. But no one cares and no one wants to fix it. So now my goal is to transcend the Augusta experience. To kind of pretend I'm not really here. I'll practice a lot and I'll be that really good clarinetist in the ensemble. That's my goal. To get out of here. To move on. I can't let this ensemble get to me, or I'll start lowering my own standards of my playing. I have bigger things to do with my life. On a positive note, I have $487 in my checking, and a $390 visa bill. So that's $97 surplus. Not much, but a surplus nonetheless. No more spending, except a trip to Publix - I have 2 recipes I'm going to make so I'll have some real food. - Miranda, October 2004
If you ever want to wear yourself out, just pick up your diary or journal from 14 years ago. I promise, in no time, you will be thoroughly sick of yourself. Actually, it's not really that bad. Sometimes you come across an entry like that sums up a whole lot of feelings, like this one. As I read it, I think back to Annette's and Frances' entries. Even though they weren't working jobs like mine, they always expressed their inner emotions. Both women were observing their current situation, but always looking to the future. Sometimes with worry or fear. Sometimes with hope or anticipation. Sometimes they just sketched out their paychecks and did the math to see if they would make it though the month. Looking back on this entry, I can relate to all of that.
I was so lonely in Augusta. There I was, a 'real' clarinetist, playing in a professional orchestra and making it on my own. But it was really hard to make friends - mostly because the members of the orchestra came in from other cities. I was one of the few that lived in Augusta full time. I came from college life in my hometown, where I had friends and football games and local dive bars. I had a hard time adjusting to being by myself so much.
Also, I had a hard time adjusting to the level of playing in the group. I had only known musicians from Eastman and Florida State. I remember during an orientation meeting at Eastman, the Dean of the school said "For most of you, the ensembles you play with here will be the best ensembles you will ever play with." I never really appreciated that comment until my tenure with the Augusta Symphony. Playing with professional musicians was different. There was a different level of intensity. People had families, other jobs, personal lives. I was used to school life - practicing all the time, listening to recordings and attending concerts, having deep discussions about which orchestra we dreamed of playing with (and a good bit of drinking).
This journal entry was my turning point. I wanted to set my sights higher than my current position, so I created not just playing goals - "transcend the experience" - but also financial goals. Working with money can sometimes be stressful for me, but usually, I find it very calming. If I wanted to get out, I would need money, which meant a financial plan. I am great at making plans! I started saving $100 each month, so when I left Augusta and moved to Atlanta, I had $1000 to get started. No job, no gigs - just an apartment I had never seen in person, and $1000.
Of course, to celebrate my new plan, I wanted to cook! The journal entry doesn't mention the exact recipe, but I remember what it was. Curried Lentils. I didn't do much cooking in Augusta, so when I found something that worked, I made it ALL THE TIME. This recipe included a tomato-yogurt sauce, but I never actually made it. Just lentils and rice. I haven't made these curried lentils since 2005 or so. I think it's time to try them out again!
Curried Lentils with Vegetables
3 cups vegetable stock
1/12 cups lentils, rinsed and drained
1 cup chopped carrot
1 cup chopped onion
2/3 cup chopped celery
4 teaspoons curry powder
2 teaspoons grated fresh ginger
1 clove garlic, minced
1/2 teaspoon salt
In a large saucepan combine water, lentils, carrot, onion, celery, curry powder, ginger garlic, and salt. Bring to boiling; reduce heat. Simmer, covered, for 30 to 35 minutes or until lentils are tender and most liquid is absorbed. Remove from heat. Let stand, covered, for 5 minutes.
I had forgotten how easy this meal really is. It all goes in one pot and can easily be vegetarian or meaty. Check out the pictures below! Enjoy!
