Don't Think I'll Tell Her

The Doctor examined me tonite and told me Joyce was on her way. Goodness - half the time is over already. What would mother say - don’t think I’ll tell her - she would only worry anyway. Elsie made peppermint ice cream tonight. No word yet from our Daddy - I’m getting so worried. What could have happened to him? - Annette, March 1942

As I get ready for a big doctor’s appointment myself, I found this entry from Annette. Here we are in early March, and I am halfway through my pregnancy as well! As a side note, I love reading the different names she used for her baby. It started off as Joyce, and eventually became Carol - and she ended up with a Tom!

Annette was on her own, with Clary on a trip to Chunking and Wahnsien for fabric and other supplies. With her amped-up hormones, you can tell how worried she was about his trip. As if that uncertainty wasn’t bad enough, she was also hesitant to tell her family back home that she was pregnant again. Sometimes, she felt embarrassed that she was pregnant again so soon after her first child. Sometimes, she didn’t want to worry anyone. I can relate to her concerns, but for a different reason.

I waited a long time before telling people I was pregnant - not so much because they might worry, but because I was worried about losing work. In the freelance world, I don’t have any guaranteed contracts or agreements from year to year, so I have to rebuild everything each season. That kind of uncertainty is magnified by pregnancy, because I have no idea how my employers will react to the news. Will they be supportive? Flexible? Disappointed? Or will they replace me so they don’t have to deal with it?

Luckily, several employers have been very supportive during my pregnancy. Others, I’m still not sure how it will turn out, honestly. It is unfortunate that in 2019, women still have to worry about employment when they get pregnant. My personal choices should not affect other people’s perceptions of my ability to do my job. All I can do is let people know when it comes up, and hope for the best.

This Is My City

I’m here in Atlanta! My car has a bunch of stuff in it, and after a few days I’ll be able to start unpacking. Soon I’ll have my first independent gig. Yay! and a paycheck. Big Yay! I applied for a receptionist position at a spa near my apartment (I think). That would be really nice. Any job would be nice. I’m really excited to live in Atlanta. As I was driving in, I drove right through downtown and thought “This is my city.” I think I will have some great experiences here. And I’m sure I will grow as a musician and a person. I can’t wait! - Miranda, June 2005

Sometimes when I write, I like to have the TV on in the background. It makes the writing feel less…intimidating. Today, as I typed up my past journal entries, Sex and the City came on, a show I watched religiously in my 20s. I came across this entry just as the Fleet Week episode began to play.

For those of you behind on your reruns, the Fleet Week episode finds all of the women in a state of transition. Miranda is a new mom, Charlotte is a new divorcée, Samantha is newly single, and Carrie is pondering the Great Loves of her past. As she reflects on her relationships, she realizes that the Great Love she cherishes the most is her city - New York City. Such a funny parallel.

I wrote this entry on my first trip to Atlanta, with all my belongings packed in the car, ready to start my new adventure. I had a single gig, a potential day job, a new checking account (for when the money started rolling in!), and a whole lot of hope.

I have always loved Atlanta. I know it isn’t for everyone, but there is something about this place that makes me comfortable. There have been ups and downs, to be sure. When I started out, I was eager to win a job and move on. But over time (13 years!), the city became part of me. I have built a career here. I bought a condo here. I met my husband and got married here, and we live just down the street from my very first apartment, right in the middle of the city. Who knows what the future holds, but for now, this is still My City.