Don't Think I'll Tell Her

The Doctor examined me tonite and told me Joyce was on her way. Goodness - half the time is over already. What would mother say - don’t think I’ll tell her - she would only worry anyway. Elsie made peppermint ice cream tonight. No word yet from our Daddy - I’m getting so worried. What could have happened to him? - Annette, March 1942

As I get ready for a big doctor’s appointment myself, I found this entry from Annette. Here we are in early March, and I am halfway through my pregnancy as well! As a side note, I love reading the different names she used for her baby. It started off as Joyce, and eventually became Carol - and she ended up with a Tom!

Annette was on her own, with Clary on a trip to Chunking and Wahnsien for fabric and other supplies. With her amped-up hormones, you can tell how worried she was about his trip. As if that uncertainty wasn’t bad enough, she was also hesitant to tell her family back home that she was pregnant again. Sometimes, she felt embarrassed that she was pregnant again so soon after her first child. Sometimes, she didn’t want to worry anyone. I can relate to her concerns, but for a different reason.

I waited a long time before telling people I was pregnant - not so much because they might worry, but because I was worried about losing work. In the freelance world, I don’t have any guaranteed contracts or agreements from year to year, so I have to rebuild everything each season. That kind of uncertainty is magnified by pregnancy, because I have no idea how my employers will react to the news. Will they be supportive? Flexible? Disappointed? Or will they replace me so they don’t have to deal with it?

Luckily, several employers have been very supportive during my pregnancy. Others, I’m still not sure how it will turn out, honestly. It is unfortunate that in 2019, women still have to worry about employment when they get pregnant. My personal choices should not affect other people’s perceptions of my ability to do my job. All I can do is let people know when it comes up, and hope for the best.

This Day In History!

The Japs got back on our trail today.  Had about 5 ginbows and saw 4 planes flying back.  We powed every time and missed quite a bit of language work.  Washed my head + dried it outside it was that warm.  This evening Clary + I started out reading, but Doc came over and we played bridge.  -  Annette, February 4, 1941

Tonite was Chinese New Year's Eve, so we had to have a pinochle game and more ice cream.  Our ice will soon be gone and our maple flavoring is going too.  Ta Wei is such a little pest.  He drives me too distraction - he gets into so much mischief and is always so dirty and gets his clothes and sweaters so messed up.  Guess he's just a real boy.  -  Annette, February 4, 1943

Ever since I started this blog, I've wanted to do a "This Day In History" post!  Annette's diary is the most regular, so here's what she was up to on February 4.  I was planning to just do one entry, but I couldn't choose between these two - I liked them both!

In 1941, Annette and Clary were still settling into their roles in China.  Annette had time to wash and dry her hair in the sun, and to play bridge in the evening - clearly there were no kids in the picture yet!  All the while, they spent that lovely day running to and from their bomb shelter cave.  As they watched the planes zoom overhead, I'm sure it was starting to sink in - the war was their new normal.  At least there was time for a card game.  

Fast-forward to 1943, when she was chasing around a wild toddler!  Ta Wei is my uncle, the first of Annette's three sons.  From her diary, she sure had a time keeping up with him!  I love that, again, she mentions the ice cream.  That special occasion treat on the eve of Chinese New Year kept her connected to her American life.  Now I find myself craving vanilla ice cream with maple topping!  Of course, no celebration was complete without a card game.  She had such good friends in China, and I love reading about their social card games.

I wonder what will happen on February 4, 2018....

But That Can't Be

Well I guess I just can't take it.  Tonite after supper I started to hemmorrage and really have a time of it.  We called the Doctor over about 10 o'clock and he gave me 2 shots of urgut then it stopped.  Dr. said it was a bleeding uterous + that I aborded - but that can't be.  We made ice cream tonite - tasted swell.  - Annette, January 1943

Annette was exhausted and struggling to keep up.  All the while, she was pregnant and didn't know it.  In the days after this post, she stayed in bed as she suffered through intense abdominal pains and a fever of over 104 degrees.  She thought she had malaria, but the Doctor confirmed that she was suffering from metritus - an infection of the uterus.  The shots of 'urgut' must have been ergot, a natural remedy used to treat excessive menstrual bleeding, and before or after a miscarriage.

Annette doesn't acknowledge the miscarriage in her diary until a week later.  She couldn't believe that she was pregnant again.  Her body was in survival mode, so maybe she couldn't process it until then.  She was working so hard to take care of everyone that maybe she couldn't take care of herself.  In a later post, she wrote "I sure have one dopey system."

I can't imagine the difficulty of that loss.  Or the difficulty of enduring such a complication with limited access to medical treatment.  And what did she include in that post?  Ice cream.  When our worlds get turned upside down, we turn to what we know.  Food is comfort.  Annette needed healing and reassurance and love during this time - which sometimes appears in the form of ice cream.

Wonder What I Did

The guys all had a meeting this afternoon so I fixed supper.  Made a tamale pie + I liked it fine, but of course I didn't make enough for them.  Made ice cream too + then discovered we had no more snow to freeze it with.  Clary + Paul both felt bad tonight - they said from my cooking.  Gosh, wonder what I did.  Doc was in bed today with malaria.  - Annette, January 1942

In 1942, Annie was living in Enshih, China.  Clary, my grandfather, managed the business of running the church, while Annie and the other missionary wives tended to the orphanage (mostly girls), taught English, played music for church services, and whatever else needed doing.  Not only is she in completely foreign territory, but she is also a relatively new wife.  She wants to please her husband by making meals he likes, but she also has limited ingredients and minimal equipment.  Whether 'the guys' were teasing her or not, she still took the criticism seriously.  Ice cream was always a real treat for them.  Then, a casual reference to their friend with malaria.  Most everyone they knew suffered from the disease at some point.  

With war all around her, sometimes the entries were simple.  Desire for good food, a little treat, wishes for good health.  All things we think about daily.