I Thank God For Them

Married? Yes - one of the best of husbands - a nice home, and two dear children. I thank God for them when I look at them. But I don’t want any more until these are old enough to take care of them. - Frances, February 1892

As I’ve been adjusting to my own major life change, I’ve been thinking about not only Annette’s story, but Frances’ as well. For starters, I have been brainstorming baby names by digging through decades of family names. For those of you who know Frances’ full name, there may be a clue there. =)

Also, as Valentines Day came and went, I took a moment to celebrate Frances’ birthday! You may remember that we aren’t really sure when Frances was born. At some point, she changed her birthday to February 14 - Valentine’s Day - so everyone would remember the date!

In this entry, Frances reflects on the passing of another birthday. She was a young 22-year-old, married with two children. She would go on to have 3 more children, losing one daughter at just 6 months of age, but at this moment in time, she admits that she doesn’t want to have any more children for a while. Even with her household help, she wasn’t sure she was ready for more children. This entry reminded me of Annette’s second pregnancy. She wasn’t sure she was ready.

I must admit that I feel that way at times. I am much older than both Frances and Annette, but I still have moments when I don’t feel ready at all! I am fortunate to have so many resources available - resources that were non-existent for my ancestors. I hope I can stay present and take things one day at a time. When everything in your world changes, sometimes that is the best way forward!

I Had Every Attention

At my babies birth I had every attention. Mrs. Herbert was with me besides others. Annie is with me too, and she is the kindest of sisters. And if I do say so, she is one of the loveliest women I ever knew. Dr. Pearson will surely get a treasure. During my illness she has anticipated my every wish and stays devoted to our dear babies. - Frances, October 1891

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle announced today that they are expecting. On top of that, my good friend is expecting her second child, and my husband’s good friend just welcomed a beautiful baby girl, so there has been a lot of pregnancy talk in the air. I found it amusing that I came across this entry from Frances.

Here, Frances reflects on the support she received during the birth of her children. I am guessing that Mrs. Herbert was a nurse or midwife, but she also had her sister with her (who later married the family doctor, Dr. Pearson). She also refers to her pregnancy and birth as an “illness,” which may have been common at the time.

I marvel at how things have changed. Imagine how different it was to give birth in 1891 compared to now. Given the medical knowledge at the time, what a comfort it must have been to have your sister - your closest ally - by your side. Imagine the kind of care and treatment Meghan Markle will have throughout her pregnancy. Whether her family is present or not, I’m sure her experience will be quite different!

We can look to the past for guidance, and we can look to the future for hope, but at the end of the day, all we have is the present moment. At your life’s biggest moments, who is in the room with you?

Another Birth-day

Well here again I have arrived at another birth-day.  They come around only too fast.  Why I'll soon be an old woman.  I used to think when any one was thirty he or she was real old, but although I feel a little down, I feel no older than I ever did.  - Frances, February 1892

As I look back at my calendar, I realize that it has been quite a while since my last post.  My goal is one post per week, but the past few weeks have gotten the best of me.  I kept meaning to schedule a few posts, but for some reason, I couldn't make the time.  To those who read this blog regularly, thank you, and I'm sorry I've been such a slacker!  After teaching at a wonderful music camp for middle- and high-school students, I then took a week off to celebrate my birthday in Washington, DC. 

I love birthdays.  I love having an excuse to celebrate my birthday for a whole week, filling the days with activities, food, travel, friends/family, and of course, cake!  This year was no exception.  I had some amazing meals in our nation's capital (Rasika and Le Diplomat come to mind).  I went to a folk festival and danced with the President of Catalonia.  I visited museums and monuments, and even snagged a last-minute ticket to the National Museum of African American History, where I could have spent an entire week. 

Something about this birthday, though, has me dragging my feet, so Frances' birthday post from 1892 really resonated with me - even though I am a good bit over thirty!  Maybe I am letting 'the number' get the best of me, but this year, I feel myself getting bogged down by all the things I want to do but haven't yet done.  I like to think of my birthday as a 6month check-point for my New Years resolutions, and this year, I'm feeling a bit lacking.

This month also marks the 1-year birthday of the Three Journals blog.  I've had the Three Journals idea in my head for so long that it seems impossible that I've been sending out bits and pieces for a whole year now.  Even though my goal was just to start the blog (which I have obviously done), I had still hoped to have accomplished more with this project.  

Birthdays are a reflective time for a lot of people, I think.  Even though I am feeling 'a little down,' as Frances said, it is only fair to remind myself of all the big things I did this year - graduated 5 clarinet students, visited a new country, planned an awesome wedding, married the love of my life.  Not too shabby!

Like many people out there, the "not good/successful/kind enough" voice in my head tends to be louder than the "hey, you're making it work" voice.  This year, I'm going to try to turn up the volume on that one.  As the years go on, I'd rather celebrate my number than not have a number at all!

All Through Life

It is Sunday + we keep reminding our boy he is one year old.  May God watch over our darling boy all through life.  And each successive birth-day find him as pure + sinless as he now is.  And may God help us to live right + train our little darling up to be a noble christian man.  - Frances, April 1891

Birthdays are a cause for celebration, but particularly so in the 1890s.  Frances had 6 children - one little girl died as a baby, and from what I can gather, she had a stillborn or miscarriage as well.  Birthdays were a celebration of life - and survival.  People didn't talk much about the losses.

Even today, miscarriages are considered a taboo topic.  I have had friends and family members go through this terrible loss, and each one of them has said how lonely it felt.  They felt they couldn't talk about their experience.  

Who do we turn to in the horrible times?  What about the joyous times?  Frances's faith in God was central to her identity.  On her son's birthday, she offered up prayers to God to help her protect, teach, and care for her young child.     

What helps us through the celebrations and and the sorrows?  How do we connect?  Or share?  Or ask for help and guidance?  Some people choose religion.  Others a network of family and friends.  Some have faith in something else altogether.  I don't believe that there is a right answer.  I do believe that sometimes the hardest thing in the world is feeling alone.  What if we all took a moment to share in someone's joy?  Share in their tears?  Share in their anger?  Share in their fear?  Share in their hope?   

It Was Such Fun Having Company

My 27th birthday and the first one I've ever had when I didn't receive a single present.  Was sort of disappointed that Elsie forgot.  We celebrated Thanksgiving tonite.  I invited Mr. Chen + Miss Su + Doc + Mrs. Chen.  It was such fun having company for a change.  We had a very nice dinner I thot - chestnut stuffing + a pumpkin pie with nuts.  Our table looked very pretty with candles + the jack-o-lantern, tangerine place cards + red autumn leaves.  - Annette, November 1942

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.  My family has a history of large Thanksgiving celebrations with polished silver, place cards, and delicious food made with love by all our guests.  Every year, my aunt and I start working weeks in advance to plan all the details.  This year, my Thanksgiving will be a bit smaller - just 6 instead of 20 - but I am excited for new traditions!  As I worked on my to-do lists, I started thinking about Annette's Thanksgiving celebrations.

While in China, they were never really sure when Thanksgiving was supposed to be, so they would have their celebrations when they could.  This one happened on a Sunday - maybe to celebrate her birthday as well!  I love that she used fresh tangerines as place cards, and decorated with leaves from their trees.  I love that they made chestnut stuffing and pumpkin pie.  I love that my grandfather carved a pumpkin as decoration.  I can just imagine this beautiful scene, and as I embrace my own inner hostess, it makes me feel so connected to her.

I also love that she mentioned how glad she was to have company.  And that she was a little bit sad to not receive a birthday gift.  So much of our existence on this planet is tied to the people around us, and celebrations can sometimes be bittersweet.  This will be my first Thanksgiving since I was I child that I won't be with my aunt.  That makes me a little sad.  But, I'll be celebrating with fiancé's family, whom I completely adore, so with the sadness there is also joy!  To me, Thanksgiving is a celebration of family - whether family by blood, by choice, by circumstance, or anything else.  I wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with good food, good company, and love.  And maybe a place card or two.  

A Ray Of Sunshine

This is our dear boy's birth-day.  And a fine looking fellow for one year.  Picture of health, eyes bright + cheeks like two rose-buds.  In fact, he is our pride, our joy.  He is running over with fun + mischief.  He is the life of the place, a ray of sunshine that has fallen across our pathway.  - Frances, April 1891

Yesterday, I received a birthday invitation from a good friend - not for her, but the couple's one year old son!  He has the cutest baby hair, and rosy little cheeks just like Frances' son.  I'm sure my friend has experienced the joy and mischief that Frances describes as well.  This entry could have easily been written by a new mother today.  Those feelings of wonder and love easily eclipse the feelings of exhaustion! 

For Frances, every child's life was reason to celebrate.  She had 6 children, but one little girl didn't live to see her first birthday - unfortunately, a common occurrence at the time.  While no mother will ever stop worrying about the life of her child, a First Birthday is a joyous milestone.  This tiny person is just beginning his or her time in the world - and that is definitely worth celebrating. 

He Is So Feeble

Well here again have I arrived at another birth-day.  The come around only too fast.  Why I'll soon be an old woman.  I am looking for Annie + the Dr. on the 17th - their first visit since they were married.  Pa came over when Annie was married, he is so feeble.  I fear he will not live long - but we all pray that the good Lord will spare him to us yet many years longer.  - Frances, February 1892

Frances has arrived at her 28th birthday, and already she feels like an old woman!  Twenty eight seems so young, even to me as a still-young person in my 30s!  How many times do we tell ourselves we are 'too old'?  We have so much to handle in our lives - sometimes, it does seem like the years start slipping away.  Frances is excited to see her sister, Annie, and her new brother-in-law.  Remembering their recent wedding, she thinks back to how her father looked - feeble, frail.  So often it is the burden of adult children to worry about their aging parents.  It is painful, and often overwhelming, to watch a loved one move through the last years of their lives.  It can certainly make you feel older than you are.