A Real Energetic Spell

This morning I had a real energetic spell :  one thing I thought it was Saturday.  With Willie's help, I cleaned up the parlor and Annie's room, had a regular washing for the babies.  But then we are so unsettled - we may move to Bessemer.  Can't say yet what we will do.  - Frances, January 1892

It can feel great to get things done.  Having a day to clean, run errands, work on projects - that sounds perfect to a list-maker like myself.  This past week, I was a flurry of activity, juggling 4 different To-Do lists and still managing to finish my 'real' work.  It was exhilarating - and exhausting.

Sometimes I wonder if we use our chores and tasks as an escape - as a way of avoiding the big things we don't want to deal with.  We may not be able to resolve a looming crisis or major decision today, but we sure can complete a task!

Frances was proud of her 'energy' that morning, and rightly so!  Maintaining a household and caring for babies is no small feat, so I'm sure it felt great to get things done.  But then she mentions the possibility of moving to Bessemer.  Uprooting her family and moving to a new city.  Starting over.  A decision like that can certainly cause anxiety, especially when you haven't made up your mind yet.  A list of manageable, completable chores starts to sound pretty appealing.  Clean house - check!  Bathe children - check!  Evaluate new living situation and determine possibility of financial stability - um...pass?

While it can be comforting to focus on the To-Do lists, we also need to make space for the 'big things' in the background.  The answers will come, but only if we give them a little room.  Take a step back.  Find a few quiet moments.  Remember to breathe.  

I have two very big events coming up, both of which are incredibly exciting and a little bit scary.  My checklists are winding down.  Now, the most important task for me is to slow down, stay present, and remember every moment of this experience.  To paraphrase Ferris Bueller, if we don't stop and look around, we could miss it.  And I don't want to miss a single moment.

I Want Him To Say Mother

I bathed both the little ones before breakfast.  Then push sister in the buggy in the dining room so that Willie could keep the flies off.  Brother big man sits at the table + must have his "gass" of water.  He will call me "Miss Fannie" + I want him to say Mother.  - Frances, June 1892

Frances certainly had her hands full with caring for her children and maintaining the household.  Here, she describes part of her daily routine.  However, Frances wasn't truly on her own.  She had a cook to help with preparing the meals, and a nurse, Willie, to help with the children.    

How many times have you wished for extra help during a hectic day?  In our modern times, some people are fortunate enough to have that kind of assistance.  In Frances' time, her 'helpers' were former slaves. 

After the abolition of slavery, so many white families kept their cooks, nurses, maids, etc.  I wonder about Willie's story.  Was she paid for her work?  Had she been with the family long?  She was obviously integral to the family's daily life.  From this post, it sounds like Frances' son spends more time with Willie than his own mother - even calling her "Miss Fannie" as Willie likely did.

It always makes me uncomfortable to delve into this aspect of my family's past.  It also makes me uncomfortable that, as a country, we are still struggling with equal rights for all.  Maybe discomfort is a place to start.  Maybe it opens the door to conversations.  Maybe it shines a light on the darkness.

Each Day Is So Much Alike

I try to recall the events of the day, but each day is so much alike that I hardly know when they pass.  Each is filled up with little duties that must be done about the house-keeping + our dear little ones are continually on hand but I would not have it otherwise.  - Frances, June 1892

This is the kind of day I am having - minus the 'dear little ones.'  Do you ever feel like you are in a cycle of tasks?  Today I felt like I could not get ahead - emails from orchestra members, phone calls about the HOA, parents wanting to reschedule lessons.  I spent hours fielding questions and yet, never quite caught up.  

Now, I will be the first to admit that I take on too many projects.  I bring a lot of this crazy on myself, for sure.  For Frances, this was her life.  Even with a cook and a nurse, she still felt that the days were always the same - filled with tasks of everyday life.  Each day was a blur, indistinguishable from the previous.  That piques my curiosity.  I have found that diaries are full of details and yet here, Frances can't remember the day's activities.  When she mentions the children as one of the 'little duties,' her guilt reflex instinctively kicks in.  Wouldn't have it any other way, but MAN, I need a BREAK!  

How do we make time for ourselves without feeling guilty?  Or without feeling like we left things unfinished?  Maybe it starts with just a few moments of breathing.  Turning off the background noise for just a slice of quiet time.  Maybe we start by taking time to 'recall the events of the day' - a simple reflection before it starts all over again.  It may be a hectic life, but it is can also be a beautiful one.  I would not have it otherwise.