A Perfectly Perfect Day

Had a perfectly perfect day.  Got started about 7 on our 4th of July picnic.  Took a boat down the river to a cave + had our lunch in a nice cool place + then the gang all went swimming + I went wading + managed to get most of me wet.  The ride back in late afternoon was beautiful - the river was so pretty.  Got caught in the city going and coming in ginbows.  Had so much fun today.  - Annette, July 1941

 

Every July 4th, I play an orchestra concert in a nearby town.  We meet for a 3hr rehearsal, and after a short dinner break, we perform on an outdoor stage for hundreds of people having picnics with their friends, family, and loved ones.  Marches are played.  Veterans are honored.  Fireworks close out the show.  A few years back, one of my colleagues and I decided that even though we were there to perform, we wanted to enjoy a picnic, too!  Now, we coordinate our menus, pack up our picnic kits, and head out to work.  During our dinner break, we find a shady spot, spread out our blankets, and enjoy the calm, quiet moments before the concert starts.  We brave the rain, the bugs, and the heat, and it is all worth it. 

This 4th was particularly nice - low humidity, nice breeze, not a single rain cloud.  It was perfectly perfect, just like Annette's day.  Although, we didn't have river boats or swimming holes.  Nor did we have air raid alarms to worry about.  Annette was in China at the beginnings of the war, and she lived through some dangerous times.  I love that on her first July 4th away from home, she was still able to have a picnic and enjoy time with friends.  

In this country, July 4th is synonymous with picnics and fireworks.  But not everyone gets to take time off to be with their families.  I am luck to have a job that allows me to spend time with my friends and family, even while working.  I hope all of you had a wonderful July 4th, and I hope we can all be grateful for the sacrifices of others, whether in 1776 or 2018, that make that day possible. 

Another Birth-day

Well here again I have arrived at another birth-day.  They come around only too fast.  Why I'll soon be an old woman.  I used to think when any one was thirty he or she was real old, but although I feel a little down, I feel no older than I ever did.  - Frances, February 1892

 

As I look back at my calendar, I realize that it has been quite a while since my last post.  My goal is one post per week, but the past few weeks have gotten the best of me.  I kept meaning to schedule a few posts, but for some reason, I couldn't make the time.  To those who read this blog regularly, thank you, and I'm sorry I've been such a slacker!  After teaching at a wonderful music camp for middle- and high-school students, I then took a week off to celebrate my birthday in Washington, DC. 

I love birthdays.  I love having an excuse to celebrate my birthday for a whole week, filling the days with activities, food, travel, friends/family, and of course, cake!  This year was no exception.  I had some amazing meals in our nation's capital (Rasika and Le Diplomat come to mind).  I went to a folk festival and danced with the President of Catalonia.  I visited museums and monuments, and even snagged a last-minute ticket to the National Museum of African American History, where I could have spent an entire week. 

Something about this birthday, though, has me dragging my feet, so Frances' birthday post from 1892 really resonated with me - even though I am a good bit over thirty!  Maybe I am letting 'the number' get the best of me, but this year, I feel myself getting bogged down by all the things I want to do but haven't yet done.  I like to think of my birthday as a 6month check-point for my New Years resolutions, and this year, I'm feeling a bit lacking.

This month also marks the 1-year birthday of the Three Journals blog.  I've had the Three Journals idea in my head for so long that it seems impossible that I've been sending out bits and pieces for a whole year now.  Even though my goal was just to start the blog (which I have obviously done), I had still hoped to have accomplished more with this project.  

Birthdays are a reflective time for a lot of people, I think.  Even though I am feeling 'a little down,' as Frances said, it is only fair to remind myself of all the big things I did this year - graduated 5 clarinet students, visited a new country, planned an awesome wedding, married the love of my life.  Not too shabby!

Like many people out there, the "not good/successful/kind enough" voice in my head tends to be louder than the "hey, you're making it work" voice.  This year, I'm going to try to turn up the volume on that one.  As the years go on, I'd rather celebrate my number than not have a number at all!

Molasses Layer Cake

I made some gingerbread today (without ginger) and the Wengers were over for pinochle tonite.  Are using red sugar now - sort of like molasses in our cooking and baking - its much cheaper.  Have certainly cut down on our cakes - haven't had a pie for months.  - Annette, April 1943

 

I have always loved gingerbread.  It breaks my heart a little that we consider it a 'seasonal' flavor, because I could eat gingerbread any day of the week.  My dad loved ginger snaps, and anything molasses-based.  I wonder if his love of molasses came from Annette.  Many of her recipes use molasses - perhaps, because it was cheaper and easier to acquire in China.  Maybe she continued to bake with molasses once they were stateside.  In honor of Father's Day today, I baked this Molasses Layer Cake from his mother's recipe.  I wonder if he grew up eating this very same cake.

Once again, Annette's recipe is not the most forthcoming.  I made a small adjustment with the amount of butter - the entire cake only used 2T!  I doubled that amount, to better facilitate creaming the butter and sugar.  I'm guessing the baking soda dissolved in buttermilk gives it lift while adding a bit more fat.  I baked the cakes at 350degrees for 30min, then turned off the oven and let the cakes sit for another 4 minutes.  After 2 minutes of resting in the pans, I turned them out onto a wire rack, then let them cool completely.  The cakes are so tender and fluffy.  I made a quick Cinnamon Buttercream Icing, to compliment the cinnamon in the cake.  Recipe and photos below!

 

Molasses Layer Cake

1 cup sugar

2 tablesp butter (I used 4T - half a stick)

2 eggs

1 teasp cinnamon

1 teasp soda diss. in 1 cup sour milk

1 cup molasses

2 1/2 cups flour

 

Cream together butter + sugar.  add eggs and molasses and flour + milk alternately.  Bake in 2 layers.

 

Clean + Straighten

Mending - baby dress, Bug's overalls, darn hose

Wash blanket - sweaters

Clean rooms - windows, rugs, curtains, wash wicker chairs, pillows, bed sp.

Porches

Plan menus

Guest room - flowers, peanuts, air closet, hangers, etc

Middle room - clean + straighten

Make plenty cookies, peanuts, puffed rice candy ahead of time

Clary's study

- Annette, 1941-1944?

 

Most people get the Spring Cleaning bug in March/April.  No matter how hard I try, I can never seem to catch that bug.  Between playing gigs and getting students ready for juries and recitals, I am just barely keeping my head above water during early Spring.  For me, it's all about Summer Cleaning.  Students are on their summer break, and that means I finally have some time during the day to get the house in order.  I know, I know, it is technically still Spring, but with temperatures in the 90s and what feels like 400% humidity, I'm going ahead and calling it Summer.  Now, instead of teaching schedules, my mind is full of closet organization techniques and recipes for homemade cleaning products.

It's easy to get overwhelmed with house projects.  Enter Lists!!  Annette often made lists in the back of her diary, but she never wrote the date.  I can only guess what event she was preparing here.  It seems like company was coming, with the Guest Room and Middle Room both making the cut.  Of course, she had baking on the list as well - plenty of cookies!  I would be one happy house guest if my visit involved fresh flowers and puffed rice candy!  Of course, there was always sewing to be done as well.  In China, they did not have the luxury of getting new clothes when the old ones wore out.  Every item of clothing had to last, and even when it was in tatters, Annette turned it into something new - like dolls or blankets for the kids.  It was a waste-not way of living.

I feel like more and more people are turning towards self-sustainability.  One of my friends has a garden that produces more green beans than they can handle.  Another is re-working old t-shirts into a quilt.  I have spent a few evenings darning socks, myself.  Just like Annette, we can all make the most of the resources we have.  Sometimes, all we need to get started is a list.  

 

As Far As I Can Go

No need wasting energy thinking about this place.  Only a few more weeks to go, and then I'm done with this Symphony.  I'm off to bigger & better things.  Off to new adventures.  It's so interesting how people take different paths.  Sometimes certain roads are blocked off, but then you just choose a new one.  That's where I am.  I've gone as far as I can go here.  Time to move on.  - Miranda, April 2005

 

Choosing my own diary entries is always challenging for me.  I would guess that not many people wake up and decide they want to re-read their own diaries from their 20s.  For me, those pages are filled with all kinds of feelings.  Insecurity about my body and my career.  Confidence about living on my own.  Reflection on my current situation and longing for something bigger and better.  This post was part of my 'swan song' collection of writing.  I was ready to move on from my orchestra job, but still had no idea what I was going to do.  All I knew is that I was leaving.  I had gone as far as I could go.

The other challenge in working with my own diary is more logistical.  I spent a great deal of time transcribing Frances' and Annette's diaries, but I could never bring myself to start on my own.  That means that every time I write from my own diaries, I have to pull out a stack of 14 diaries and dig through my innermost thoughts between 2004-2012.  It is emotionally exhausting, to say the least.

Well, I've gone as far as I can go with that method.  This summer, in between blog posts, I'll be digitizing all of my diary entries.  I'll have a box of tissues ready for the sad parts, and maybe a glass of wine or two to stave off the embarrassment.  Wish me luck!

Cocoa Cup Cakes - Or, Devil's Food Cake?

I'm still in a cake-baking mood, and since Annette mentioned Devil's Food Cake in the last post, I think it's time to try it out!  Devil's Food Cake is such a decadent treat.  It's no surprise she made it to celebrate her anniversary.  The fact that she made it in rural China in 1943 just blows my mind.

Unfortunately, the only chocolate cake recipe in her diary is for Cocoa Cup Cakes.  I have yet to find a definitive answer to what differentiates chocolate cake from Devil's Food, so maybe that recipe is Annette's version.  I doubled her recipe, then used a modern-day Devil's Food Cake recipe (from Ina Garten) to modify Annette's recipe as needed.  Kind of like in Jurassic Park when they used amphibian DNA to fill in the gaps of the dino-DNA.  Here is Annette's recipe.

 

Cocoa Cup Cakes

6 tablesp. fat

2 cups sugar

1 cup milk

2 eggs

3 cups flour

6 teaspoons baking powder

2/3 cup cocoa

vanilla

 

No instructions - just a list of ingredients.  As always, Annette's recipes leave me with more questions than answers.  First of all, the amount of fat is strangely low, compared to the sugar and flour amounts.  Also, it just calls for 'fat'.  Her other recipes specify butter or lard - maybe they are interchangeable.  I chose butter, since that's what I had, and I bumped up the amount to match Ina's recipe.  Another oddity is the amount of leavening compared to the other ingredients.  Ina's recipe calls for one teaspoon each baking powder and baking soda, but Annette's required six teaspoons of baking powder!  I am always stumped by the type of flour she used.  Was it wheat, like the bran muffins?  Or something else entirely?  My guess is that she needed the extra leavening to lighten up the flour.  I decided to go with cake flour, just for something different.

I used Annette's lower sugar amount and Ina's higher egg amount (using large instead of extra-large eggs to offset the amounts a bit).  I swapped out Annette's milk for Ina's sour cream, and dissolved the cocoa in a bit of hot coffee before adding it to the batter.  Plus, I added the salt from Ina's recipe, to balance out the sweetness.  I made the cakes in large cupcake-style wrappers to mimic Annette's cup cakes.  I also made my favorite chocolate buttercream - Billy's Chocolate Buttercream from a Martha Steward episode (you can find the recipe here).  I must admit, I didn't have semisweet chocolate on hand, so I tried making the icing first with a dark chocolate cocoa powder/butter/sugar combo.  The result was tasty, but looked a mess!  It was grainy and thick, with a grey/black color.  I tried to mask it with silver sprinkles, but ended up making a new batch later.  I'll include a picture here, so you can see my disaster in all its glory.

Just like Annette, I messed up the icing.  I tried to use what I had in my pantry, and the end result wasn't what I wanted.  Like grandmother, like granddaughter, I guess!

Behold!  Annette's Cocoa Cup Cakes + Ina Garten's Devil's Food Cake =

Miranda's Devil's Food Mini-Cakes!

Messed Up The Icing - Or, Wedding Cakes For Everyone!

Still no sunshine.  Had our wedding anniversary dinner tonite.  I made a nice devil food cake but I messed up the icing.  Had a nice supper - Doc + wife came over and we played monopoly.  Even Miss Simon played with us tonite.  - Annette, March 1943

 

I have had weddings on the brain lately!  My favorite part of weddings is always the cake.  Well, the whole 'love and commitment' thing is pretty great, too, so I guess cake is a very close second.  My own wedding was just a few weeks ago, so the cake was crucial.  None of that inedible fondant, thankyouverymuch.  Luckily, I found an amazing baker in Atlanta - Amanda Faber, the Season 2 winner of the Great American Baking Show on ABC.  Amanda made a beautiful cake and it was DELICIOUS!  It was my favorite wedding cake - and wedding - by far.  :)

Annette and Clary were married on Leap Day, February 29, 1940, so they celebrated their first 4 anniversaries in China.  Annette made a cake for every single one.  In 1943, on their third anniversary, she baked a devil's food cake.  I love that she wrote about her 'messed up' icing.  In our social-media world, it is so tempting to only share the perfect parts of our lives - the perfect Insta shot or Facebook post.  Annette's diary was her safe place, her honest place.  She wrote about her real experiences and feelings.  I can completely relate to a less-than-perfect baking experience because....

This past week, I caught Royal Wedding Fever!  I just could not get enough of the details, the story, and of course, the cake!  As soon as I heard the cake description, I knew I had to give it a shot.  Lemon elderflower sponge cake with Swiss meringue buttercream.  I've never made either of those, so I jumped right in!  I did a bit of research to narrow down the cake and icing recipes.  To honor Harry and Meghan blending English and American families, I used a sponge cake recipe inspired by Mary Berry, queen of English baking, and a buttercream recipe inspired by Martha Stewart, an American baking master.  Spoiler alert:  not my best bake.  By far.  Check out the pictures for all the ways I went wrong!  

Regardless of the missteps, the cake was delicious.  I woke up early to watch the Royal Wedding celebration, and had delicious lemon elderflower cake for breakfast.  As Rev. Michael Curry said during the ceremony, "There's power in love."  That is always worth a celebration.

Lemon Elderflower cake with Elderflower Buttercream

Lemon Sponge Cake:

4 eggs, room temperature - weighed

Caster sugar

Butter, softened

Self-rising flour

1 T baking powder

Zest of 1 lemon

 

Elderflower Soak:

1/4 c elderflower cordial (I used Belvoir Fruit Farms Elderflower Cordial)

1 T fresh lemon juice

 

Elderflower Buttercream:

5 large egg whites

1 cup plus 2 T caster sugar

1/8 t table salt

1 pound butter, softened

2 t fresh lemon juice

1 T elderflower cordial

 

Preheat oven to 356 degrees F (or 350 - Mary's recipe required 180 degrees Celsius).  Grease two 8in pans with butter, line the bottom of each pan with a circle of parchment paper. 

Weigh the eggs, and place in a large mixing bowl.  Weigh the same amount of sugar, butter, and flour in separate bowls.  Add the baking powder to the flour and sift together.  Add sugar, flour mixture, and butter to large bowl with the eggs.

Using the paddle attachment of a stand mixer, mix all ingredients until just combined.  Stir in lemon zest. 

Divide batter between two pans.  Spin or lightly tap the pans on the counter to remove air bubbles.  Bake for 25 minutes, until the cake tops spring back when pressed lightly with your fingers.  Remove cakes from oven and set on a wire rack - cool in pans for a few minutes.  After cakes have cooled slightly, turn the cakes out, remove the paper, flip over, and allow to cool a bit more. 

While the cakes are cooling, prepare the elderflower soak.  Once the cakes have cooled for 30min, use a wooden pick to poke holes in the tops of the cakes.  Using a pastry brush, brush the tops of the cake with the elderflower mixture.  Allow cakes to cool completely.

While the cakes are cooling, prepare the buttercream.  Combine egg whites, sugar, and salt in a heatproof bowl of stand mixer and set over a pan of simmering water.  Whisk by hand until mixture has reached around 140 degrees F.  Mixture should feel smooth when rubbed between your fingers.

Move the bowl to stand mixer fitted with the whisk attachment.  Starting on low and gradually increasing to medium-high, whisk mixture until soft peaks form.  Continue whisking until glossy and the bowl is completely cool to the touch (about 10 minutes).

With mixer on medium-low speed, add butter a few tablespoons at a time.  Once all the butter has been added, whisk in lemon juice and elderflower cordial.  Switch to the paddle attachment.  Continue beating until all air bubbles are gone (about 2 minutes), and icing is completely smooth.

Prepare a piping bag fitted with a star tip (or other design).  Fill the bag with buttercream and set aside.  To assemble the cakes, place one cake on a cake stand.  Add buttercream to the top and smooth out.  Add the second layer, and add enough buttercream to cover the top and sides of the cake.  Once the cake is covered, use the remaining buttercream to pipe designs on the cake.  Garnish with lemon slices, fresh edible flowers, sprinkles - anything that feels festive!  

Chill Until Set - or, Aspic For Breakfast!

We've been spending a lot of time with Annette lately, so I thought it was time to come back to Frances' kitchen.  Full disclosure here:  I did not find this recipe in Frances' diary.  This recipe has been in the back of my mind for years - nestled in the family cookbook that I love, but always a bit too weird to try.  Until now.  In honor of Mother's Day, I decided to go for it. 

This recipe is from my mother's mother's mother.  Let's break that down - my mother Guesna, her mother Frances, Frances' mother Guesna - who was the youngest daughter of Frances (whose diary we have been reading).  Apparently, my mother wanted to break the whole Frances-Guesna cycle by naming me Guesna instead of Frances.  Frances didn't write about food much in her diary, but it is not a far leap to guess that her daughter Guesna inherited the recipe.  What is this legendary and slightly terrifying recipe?  Tomato aspic.  Here we go!

 

Tomato Aspic

1 can (32oz) tomato juice or V-8

1 box gelatin (4 pkgs.)

1/8 cup red vinegar

1/8 cup white vinegar

1 t. salt

1/2 t. pepper

1 T. lemon juice

1 T. onion salt

1 T. celery salt

4 T. Worcestershire sauce

Optional ingredients:  sliced artichoke hearts;  shrimp; olives

 

Mix gelatin into heated juice; add remaining ingredients.  Add optional ingredients.  Pour into two well-greased ring molds and chill until set.

 

For Mother's Day breakfast, I served my former fiancé (now husband!) a lovely slice of tomato aspic.  "So, it's like tomato jello?"  Obviously, he was skeptical - as was I.  After the first bite, we both concluded that it's not nearly as bad as it sounds like it would be.  Overall, it was a bit salty for my taste, so I immediately started thinking about how to adjust the recipe.  Then it hit me.  I know this taste.  The gelatin texture is new, but I am confident that I can modernize tomato aspic.  The next time I am invited to a dinner party or brunch potluck, I am bringing a Bloody Mary Aspic.  Add some chopped celery, pickled green beans or okra, and a good bit of vodka, and you will have a delicious, boozy, throwback dish that no one will expect, but everyone will love!  I'll work out the details and post when I have the amounts worked out.  Apologies to my friends and family - a lot of tomato aspics are coming your way.   

The Star On The Wings

Things quieting down some.  News is much better - lots of planes flying around + using this field.  We are really in the front line now.  Hospital down to 4 patients - everyone is afraid the U.S. airmen are staying here + that we are sure to be bombed.  Right after lunch we had to run like everything because the urgent alarm + then the planes came so quick.  They came tearing down the valley real low and we thot sure we were going to get aplenty - then we noticed the star on the wings - our own planes - 8 of them - they all landed, but took off again very shortly.  We played pinochle later. 

A real fight today.  At noon 9 planes landed here to refuel.  Almost immediately the alarm sounded + they all took to the air, waiting for the Japs.  They came sneeking over the mountains - 8 of them, bombed the airfield + made a beeline for home, our planes hot on their trail.  We heard 1 Jap plane had been shot down.  We'll be seeing plenty of excitement around here now I think. 

-Annette, June 1943

 

Annette and Clary had a front-row seat to all the wartime action!  I included two entries here, because I love her entries from June 1943. 

Annette had been in China for over two years, and she always longed for some connection to home.  I see it in her cooking, her excitement over letters and magazines, and of course, in her desire to keep up with the progressing war.  There is a shift, though.  Now, she isn't just running for air raid sirens.  Now, she can look up and see those stars on the wings.  American pilots flying American planes.  Even in the devastation of war, I can only imagine the relief and pride she felt.  Maybe hope, too.  Hope that they were going to make it through this terrible war.

Her past entries included so much detail about their daily routines, but as the front lines shifted, all entries were war updates.  Here, though, she mentions a game of pinochle - her favorite evening activity with her friends.  Slowly, the details come back.  She had an awful toothache. She found time to can the beans before they went bad.  Her friend Elsie is pregnant again.  She even mentions (finally!) how many orphans they sent with Miss Simon - 14 infants!

Even when the world is turned upside down, Annette noticed the details.  It's easy to give up hope when 8 planes fly overhead - until you see the star on the wings.  Those American pilots renewed her spirits - and her connection to her home.  

I'll take a break from Annette for the next few posts, but don't worry, we'll come back to this time in her life.  Exciting things are coming up for her!

No Use To Run

We had 5 alarms today - one even after supper when 2 pursuit planes came tearing over the mountains + landed here - they took off again in about 1/2 hr - plenty fast.  Are getting our trunks off but now everyone says the Japs have been pushed back on 3 roads and there is no use to run.  - Annette, May 1943

 

A five alarm day!  For every alarm, they had to drop what they were doing, run to the cave near their house with kids in tow, and wait until the all clear signal.  That is a lot of running!  They watched the planes land and take off - truly on the front lines of a WWII battle.  How exciting - and terrifying!

Annette and Clary sent their trunks ahead to Wahnsien, and they planned to follow on foot a few days later.  Now, they received word that the roads were blocked and there was nowhere to go.  All that work and preparation - now what?  Do you trust what 'everyone' says?  What if it was just a rumor?  Maybe the roads were really clear.  Maybe their belongings were on their way.  Maybe everything was going to be ok.  Or maybe not.

What do you do when faced with an impossible choice?  Stay with the familiar, or head out into the unknown?  Neither option was safe for Annette, but she had a family to protect.  Next week, we'll find out what happened. 

Think This Will Be A Dangerous Place

Clary met one of the Americans here + found out today Mr. Chen is working for him translating maps + plans.  All the bombing is being 'kwaned' from Enshih now.  Think this will be a dangerous place.  Simon + the babies leave tomorrow.  That's going to be some job - I sure feel sorry for her.  We're off in another 2-3 days I guess.  Wish the Americans would come up + pay us a visit.  - Annette, May 1943

 

Around this time, more and more American pilots stopped to refuel near Enshih.  Clary was in the city often, so he got to meet a few of them and learn a bit about the situation.  Mr. Chen, I believe, was working with Annette on her Chinese, and she was teaching him English.  Apparently, his side hustle was helping the US Armed Forces!  I wonder what secrets and clues he learned. 

I'm not exactly sure what she meant by 'kwan' - possibly kuan, 寬, translated as 'wide' or 'extend.'  It sounds like the bombing was coming closer, so maybe she was describing the explosions as 'extended from Enshih.'   Things were definitely getting dangerous.  Miss Simon left with the orphans - still no mention of how many, but what a handful!  Every day was uncertain, but they were going to protect the children, no matter the cost.

Despite all the danger, Annette wanted more than anything to meet the American pilots.  She would get her chance soon....stay tuned! 

 

Bombed Before Breakfast

Bombed before breakfast!  And a heavy one too.  Several alarms today at supper time - a wounded plane landed here.  A wire from Wanhsien today was like a slap in the face telling us to turn orphans over to govt. cable board if necessary.  We just don't know what to do.  Latest plan to send Simon on Sunday with the babies.  Elsie + I follow a few days later.  Coolies are asking $1200.00 - outrageous.  Elsie + I are going to walk.  Poor Clary - he is thinking so much I think its getting him down he looks so weary.  - Annette, May 1943

 

This part of Annette's diary is so exciting - mostly because I know she makes it out ok.  In May 1943, the front lines shifted and their little village was right in the center of all the action.  Let's unpack this entry a bit.

A wire from Wanhsien today was like a slap in the face telling us to turn orphans over to govt. cable board if necessary.  The Japanese were bombing them regularly.  They received a letter saying that they had to evacuate, and leave the orphans behind.  After more than two years of setting up the orphanage, church, school, and hospital, they were told to abandon the children and get out.  Can you imagine?!

We just don't know what to do.  Latest plan to send Simon on Sunday with the babies.  Elsie + I follow a few days later.  Understandably, Annette was worried and scared.  Their plans changed each day, based on whatever new information they received.  Here, they planned to send the orphan children towards Wanhsien (the city now called Wanzhou), with Miss Simon, one of the Chinese helpers at the orphanage and hospital.  Annette and her friend Elsie would head out after with their own children (my uncle and dad included!).  I'm not sure how many orphans they had at the time, but even relocating a few would be a true feat.  Again, can you imagine?!

Coolies are asking $1200.00 - outrageous.  Elsie + I are going to walk.  The 'coolies' here were laborers who were paid to transport people and their belongings between villages.  Apparently, when faced with a price-gouging situation, Annette and Elsie decided they would walk.  To Wahnsien, now called Wanzhou.  I just checked Google Maps and plugged in Enshih to Wanzhou.  It was 204 kilometers - 56hours on foot.  Two American women in their twenties, each with two American babies.  Walking 204 kilometers.  During an air strike in WWII.  Let that sink in.  CAN YOU IMAGINE?! 

Poor Clary - he is thinking so much I think its getting him down he looks so weary.  With all these plans swirling in her head, Annette is still thinking of her husband.  Clary is trying to be strong and decisive in making plans, but at the end of the day, he will have to go ahead and leave his wife and young sons to travel on their own.  I can't even imagine.

Usually, I try to rotate through each woman's diary, but we're going to stick with Annette for a bit here.  This story is just getting started....

A Real Energetic Spell

This morning I had a real energetic spell :  one thing I thought it was Saturday.  With Willie's help, I cleaned up the parlor and Annie's room, had a regular washing for the babies.  But then we are so unsettled - we may move to Bessemer.  Can't say yet what we will do.  - Frances, January 1892

 

It can feel great to get things done.  Having a day to clean, run errands, work on projects - that sounds perfect to a list-maker like myself.  This past week, I was a flurry of activity, juggling 4 different To-Do lists and still managing to finish my 'real' work.  It was exhilarating - and exhausting.

Sometimes I wonder if we use our chores and tasks as an escape - as a way of avoiding the big things we don't want to deal with.  We may not be able to resolve a looming crisis or major decision today, but we sure can complete a task!

Frances was proud of her 'energy' that morning, and rightly so!  Maintaining a household and caring for babies is no small feat, so I'm sure it felt great to get things done.  But then she mentions the possibility of moving to Bessemer.  Uprooting her family and moving to a new city.  Starting over.  A decision like that can certainly cause anxiety, especially when you haven't made up your mind yet.  A list of manageable, completable chores starts to sound pretty appealing.  Clean house - check!  Bathe children - check!  Evaluate new living situation and determine possibility of financial stability - um...pass?

While it can be comforting to focus on the To-Do lists, we also need to make space for the 'big things' in the background.  The answers will come, but only if we give them a little room.  Take a step back.  Find a few quiet moments.  Remember to breathe.  

I have two very big events coming up, both of which are incredibly exciting and a little bit scary.  My checklists are winding down.  Now, the most important task for me is to slow down, stay present, and remember every moment of this experience.  To paraphrase Ferris Bueller, if we don't stop and look around, we could miss it.  And I don't want to miss a single moment.

Honey + Nut Bran Muffins

I've been baking up a storm lately, so Annette's Honey + Nut Bran Muffins fit right in to my wheelhouse.  I had most of the ingredients in the pantry already, and I bet you do too!  Once I tracked down some oat bran, I was ready to roll.  I made this recipe as directed, but after just one batch, I could see endless variations.  Let's dive in!

This recipe really surprised me.  The muffins were delicious!  Wheat flour and oat bran goodies can sometimes be heavy or dense - not these!  Great texture, great flavor, not too sweet.  What is really surprising is how well this recipe would do in these modern times.  No refined sugar - only honey (local, small batch if you've got it).  Wheat flour and bran for extra fiber.  No eggs, and minimal dairy that could easily be swapped out for a dairy-free or vegan option.  Nuts could be replaced by raisins or other dried fruit, or even chocolate chips.  The possibilities are endless, and would all be delicious! 

Once again, it seems like Annette turned to comfort food during her time in China.  I often find myself baking when I am stressed out.  Maybe it's in the genes!  Next time you need a hearty breakfast or brunch pot-luck dish, give this recipe a try.  Everyone loves a treat with a little history.  Enjoy! 

Pretty Good Muffins

We are giving our guy a holiday every Friday and I'm gonna cook.  It was lots of fun.  I made meat loaf and some pretty good muffins.  Cooked up some tomatoes for juice too.  Fixed a cold supper - potatoe salad and stuff.  - Annette, July 1941

 

I haven't made one of Annette's recipes in a while, so when I came across this entry, I figured it was time to bake again!  I love how much she enjoys cooking.  On her cook's day off, she jumped at the adventure of cooking in a new place!  

I am intrigued by her meat loaf - what kind of meat, where did they get it, how did they grind it up - but she didn't leave any clues.  I have a recipe for Canning Tomatoes, so maybe in the future, I'll try something similar for the juice.  She did, however, sketch a recipe for Bran Muffins with a Honey Nut variation.  Her bran muffins called for wheat flour and sweet milk, so I'll use that for this recipe as well.  I looked up 'quick oven,' and learned that the term comes from wood-burning stoves without temperature gauges.  The conversion for a 'fast' or 'quick' oven ranges from 375-400 degrees Fahrenheit.  Now, I just need to locate some oat bran.  Stay tuned!

 

Honey + Nut Bran Muffins

1/2 cup honey

1 cup flour

1/2 teasp soda

1/2 teasp salt

2 cups bran

1 tablesp melted butter

1 1/2 cups milk

3/4 cup walnuts

 

Bake in quick oven 30 minutes

Why Is This So Hard For Me?

I haven't written much in the last few weeks.  Dad died on March 16.  Haven't felt like practicing.  Turned in my comps.  Why can't I just let go and be like everyone else?  Why is this so hard for me?  - Miranda, March 2008

 

March is always a weird month for me - particularly March 14-17.  There are a few nerdy holidays that I love (Pi Day on the 14th, Ides of March on the 15th), and one holiday that I don't care that much about (St. Patrick's Day on the 17th).  But stuck in the middle is the anniversary of my dad's death.  This year was a big one - 10 years gone.  That's a long time.   

On the anniversary, I always try to do something he would like.  Usually, I just hope I have a gig to take my mind off the day, and luckily, that was the case this year.  I was playing Tchaikovsky's Sleeping Beauty with a ballet company and it was just the right thing to do.  The music was new to me, and I enjoyed the challenge.  Plus, Sleeping Beauty was my favorite Disney movie growing up - and they used Tchaikovsky's score in the movie!  

From this journal entry in 2008, it doesn't look like I did much to remember him.  My writing was so matter-of-fact.  I was finishing my Master's Degree, and working on my comprehensive exams when my dad died.  That month is still mostly a blur.  I do, however, distinctly remember going to Albertson's grocery store the night he died, so my brother, sister, and I would have some food in the house.  I bought stuff to make quesadillas.  Weird the things that you remember.

This entry hints at something I would struggle with for quite a while after his death - why couldn't I just be normal?  I was only 26 - I didn't want to be the girl who lost her dad.  I just wanted to get through the grieving process and move forward.  I spent a lot of time comparing myself to others.  Being jealous of other people's 'happy' or 'easy' lives.  Of course, you never really know what other people's lives are like, but in dark moments, it is tempting to generalize that everyone else is having a good time while you are stuck feeling sad.  Facebook really didn't help, either. 

I started using the mantra "Be gentle with yourself."  Sometimes it felt forced, but slowly I started to let myself feel my feelings.  Do what you feel you can do, or what you need to do.  It doesn't matter what other people do.  Now, 10 years later, I can choose how to honor my dad.  I can do it in a way that works for me - not anyone else.  It is still hard for me.  But it is on my own terms, now.

Recreating "The Queen's" Dinner

I had such a blast with this project!  For those of you just joining us, I recreated one of Frances' meals from 1892 (original post below).  There were several components to this menu, so I've compiled the photos into collages.  Hope you are hungry!

As we ate dinner, my fiancé commented that this meal is pretty close to meals we have had here in Atlanta.  There is a huge 'Southern American' trend happening in restaurants right now, and this meal stacks up with the best of them.  We started talking about the MANY changes in the world since the 1890s, and yet, we can still enjoy the same food.  But there is something bigger, too.

Frances didn't just write what she had for dinner - she wrote about enjoying the meal with her family.  Dinner together can be the quiet moment of the day where you get to sit down and talk to the people you love.  Not everyone has the luxury of a made-from-scratch meal every night, but when we do, it is usually a special occasion.  It's not just about the food - it's about the people.

Dinner At The Queen's Table

Well Mr. Grimes came in and he Embry and I sat down to our little meal of fried pork, Irish potatoes, biscuits and butter, and sweet milk, and felt as well as if we had dinner at the queen's table.  - Frances, January 1892

 

While Frances' diary doesn't contain many recipes, any Southerner knows that food is more than just sustenance.  Food is how we show our love for others.  As soon as I saw this menu, I knew I had to recreate it for someone I love.  I've done a little research, and here's my plan so far:

Fried pork - I'm thinking this is most likely bone-in pork chops, lightly breaded in a flour-salt-pepper mixture.

Irish potatoes - Still not sure about this one.  I've found a few Irish Potato recipes that make more of a casserole-style dish.  Others that are simply steamed or stewed, with some mashed potato recipes thrown in for good measure.  There is also a set of recipes for Irish Potato Candy, but I'm pretty sure that's not what Frances made here.  I'll keep digging, and see if I can come up with an authentic version.  Right now, my plan is to use russet potatoes, and boil them for a bit in salty water.

Biscuits and butter - I have several biscuit recipes in my recipe files, most of which call for self-rising flour.  It looks like self-rising flour came about in 1844, and likely made it to America by the mid-1850s.  White Lily flour has been around since 1883, so I'm thinking that their self-rising flour is a likely candidate.  Butter was probably hand-churned - at least I'll get an arm work out!  I'm going to buy some buttermilk, though, just in case my liquid buttermilk isn't enough.  

Sweet milk - I think this was just used to distinguish from 'sour' milk (buttermilk), but I've seen a few recipes for sweet milk that call for a glass of whole milk with heavy cream floated on top.  I'll try both.  I'll see if I can get my hands on unprocessed, unpasteurized milk, too.

Thanks so much to the following websites for their info!  Wish me luck!

Alabama Pioneers

Alabama Foodways

Joe Pastry

NCpedia

White Lily Flour

 

 

I Am Fairly Stable

What would make me feel successful?

• Having a full time, salaried, tenured position in a great orchestra with health insurance and little risk of the group folding - at least $30K/year

•  Having a comfortable emergency fund ($20K) and a decent IRA amount ($20K)

•  Having nice furniture and my own little house so I could practice whenever I want

•  Losing another 15 pounds

•  Having clear skin

•  Having financial security so I don't have to worry so much

•  Having a partner to do things with

 

What do I have now that is successful?

 •  A flexible job that I am not tied down to

•  I can make my own decisions without consulting a spouse or family.

•  Friends who like beer

•  Small IRA, small savings

•  I've lost 20 pounds already.

•  I am fairly stable.

- Miranda, May 2009

 

 

As I read through all of these diaries, the thing that always stands out to me is how women's opportunities have changed.  For Annette and Frances in their 20s, career options were limited (if not non-existent).  They had to make their way within a very strict social structure, mostly defined by their husbands' choices.  When I was in my 20s, I was supporting myself, living paycheck to paycheck, but by choice.  I was the one who got to choose.

Sometimes, though, not all my choices felt like the right ones.  When I wrote this entry, I felt like a failure.  I needed something to help me make sense of my life.  Time to make a list!  I am such a list-maker.  My journals are littered with them.  Pro/con.  To-do.  Goals.  Resolutions.  Income/expenses.  Maybe I would find my answers in a list.

For part one, I listed what would make me feel successful.  Success is a tricky concept - it is such a big word, largely defined by the person using it.  A steady job, financial security, a safe place to live, different appearance, better relationships - I think some version of those requests would show up on every woman's list, no matter where or when they lived. 

For part two, I listed what could already be considered successful.  I used my journal to play devil's advocate with myself.  Yes, I felt I was lacking in some areas, but what did I have that was good?  Flexibility, freedom, independence, drinking buddies - not too shabby, in hindsight.  Plus, I considered myself 'fairly stable.'  A little bit crazy, but mostly functional.  I'll take it! 

If I'm being honest, while the 'success requirements' have changed slightly, most of them are still the demons in the back of my mind.  It still feels like my life is never secure enough.  Never financially solid.  In fact, I'm pretty sure I wrote a similar entry in my journal last night - almost 10 years later.  At least I have a wonderful partner this time around, who patiently supports all my 'less stable' moments. (Thanks, babe.)

If Frances or Annette could have seen my life, would they have wished for my opportunities?  What would they say about a woman who chooses her own path?  As women, we are constantly struggling with our successes and our failures - differently defined for each person, but somehow, universal.  As women's roles in society continue to grow, change, and challenge others, it is important to remember the progress we have made.  It has been slow, and difficult, but we keep pushing on.  And we will continue to push.

I Want Him To Say Mother

I bathed both the little ones before breakfast.  Then push sister in the buggy in the dining room so that Willie could keep the flies off.  Brother big man sits at the table + must have his "gass" of water.  He will call me "Miss Fannie" + I want him to say Mother.  - Frances, June 1892

 

Frances certainly had her hands full with caring for her children and maintaining the household.  Here, she describes part of her daily routine.  However, Frances wasn't truly on her own.  She had a cook to help with preparing the meals, and a nurse, Willie, to help with the children.    

How many times have you wished for extra help during a hectic day?  In our modern times, some people are fortunate enough to have that kind of assistance.  In Frances' time, her 'helpers' were former slaves. 

After the abolition of slavery, so many white families kept their cooks, nurses, maids, etc.  I wonder about Willie's story.  Was she paid for her work?  Had she been with the family long?  She was obviously integral to the family's daily life.  From this post, it sounds like Frances' son spends more time with Willie than his own mother - even calling her "Miss Fannie" as Willie likely did.

It always makes me uncomfortable to delve into this aspect of my family's past.  It also makes me uncomfortable that, as a country, we are still struggling with equal rights for all.  Maybe discomfort is a place to start.  Maybe it opens the door to conversations.  Maybe it shines a light on the darkness.